


Water's Edge

by tresa_cho



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alien Planet, Aliens, Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Ocean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-07-06
Packaged: 2017-12-17 20:00:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/871417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tresa_cho/pseuds/tresa_cho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard froze, jaw dropping as he witnessed the impressive shoreline stretching out in front of him. The double moon system forced huge waves against powder white sand, and the water itself was a shimmer of colour. Algae and alien kelp painted navy blue water with streaks of reds, greens, and oranges, an oil painting against the serene backdrop of the pale green sky.</p><p>Jim clapped Leonard on the shoulder, startling him. “Welcome to Kahála.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Water's Edge

**Author's Note:**

> Betad by the amazing Taverl. Any mistakes are mine.

“Jim, you're a bag of dicks.”

Leonard hauled his kit from the ground and over his shoulder. It thumped against his back harder than he intended, and he winced.

“Sure, Bones.” Ahead of him, Jim entered the leafy foliage surrounding the beaming site.

“I could be doing anything right now,” Leonard said, stomping after him. “Literally anything. I could be suturing some poor jackass from Engineering who decided to ignore safety protocol and it would be more useful than me being here.”

“I wanted you with me, Bones. You're due for a ground mission anyway,” Jim said. “You'll lose your finely honed mission skills.”

“I wasn't dragged on this mission for my diplomacy, Jim,” Leonard said with a long-suffering sigh. “Damn it, man, I'm a doctor, not a mediator. You should have brought Spock if you wanted someone to help you talk with the natives.”

“I wanted you,” Jim said, holding a branch out of the way for Leonard to duck under.

Leonard froze, jaw dropping as he witnessed the impressive shoreline stretching out in front of him. The double moon system forced huge waves against powder white sand, and the water itself was a shimmer of colour. Algae and alien kelp painted navy blue water with streaks of reds, greens, and oranges, an oil painting against the serene backdrop of the pale green sky.

Jim clapped Leonard on the shoulder, startling him. “Welcome to Kahála.”

“It's beautiful,” Leonard said. The scent of saltwater hit him like a mallet to the gut, and he gritted his teeth against the swell of emotion rising. He spoke through a clenched jaw. “I hate the ocean.”

Jim's hand tightened on his shoulder. “Can't do anything right by you, can I, Bones?”

Jim pushed away from him before Leonard could reply, and started down a shallow incline towards the shoreline. Carefully picking his way after Jim, Leonard worked his way onto loose, soft sand. Jim's footsteps kicked up small puffs of glittering sand in his wake, and Leonard could already feel his feet chafing in his boots. Sand.

“Don't you plains folks burn in climate like this?” Leonard asked when they had stopped at the prescribed meeting point according to the GPS.

Jim squinted at the GPS monitor and then out onto the ocean, shading his eyes with a hand. “I dunno, Bones. Cornstalks provide great coverage during the summer.”

“Really?” Leonard blinked.

“No. You're an asshole.” Jim clipped the GPS to his belt. “I'm wearing sunscreen.”

“SPF 100, I hope,” Leonard said, dropping his pack on the sand.

“Ha ha,” Jim said. “You're so funny I shit myself laughing.”

“Hey, you wanted to drag me along,” Leonard said. “Like I mentioned before. I could be doing _anything_.”

“You need some fresh air, Bones. You get cranky under the fake light,” Jim said, a small smile playing his lips.

“And you get delusions of grandeur,” Leonard shot back. It felt like his skin was crawling, this close to the water. “I told you I didn't want any part in this planet.”

“I can't tell if you're actually angry or if this is just your way of saying 'I love you thank you James Kirk for taking me on this mission to this beautiful planet',” Jim said absently, his eyes still fixed on the rolling waves.

Sand shifting behind them made them turn, and Jim shifted slightly, putting himself between the approaching strangers and Leonard.

The Kahálans were long and thin, sleek in their movement as they seemed to float over the sand. Six of them approached by land, and Leonard heard water shifting behind him. He turned, and six more broke from the waves.

Before his eyes, they flopped onto the packed sand like beached fish, graceless in the first few moments of air-breathing. They hacked up water and Leonard watched gill-slits seal along their ribs. A monofin turned into two, muscle-bound limbs for bipedal walking and one by one, they stood and surrounded him and Jim.

Jim's hand ghosted across the hem of Leonard's shirt, and he squared his shoulders.

“I am Captain James T Kirk of the USS Enterprise. I represent the Federation of Planets on a mission to encounter and form alliances with new peoples. Can I speak to your leader?” Jim asked.

“How do you speak our language?” One Kahálan stepped forward. It blinked at them, three eyelids sliding over massive eyeballs. Pupils were a pinprick set against green irises.

“Our badges provide a translating device which approximates the root of your language, and allows us to speak to each other,” Jim said, gesturing to his chest. “I believe the person I spoke with was called Atalla? Is he with you?”

“I am Atalla.” A Kahálan with a thick set of sunglasses tilted its head. “What is wrong with this one?”

“Excuse me?” Leonard took a step back when Atalla's head turned to him.

“Don't mind him, he's always like that. We call it 'cranky' on our world.” Jim rested a hand on Leonard's shoulder. “I was hoping we would get to see your trading post today, before we have to return to our ship. Is that going to be possible?”

“You are dying,” Atalla said, staring directly at Leonard.

“Now wait just a damn minute,” Leonard said when Jim opened his mouth. “You don't know a damn thing about human physiology, how could you possibly know anything about me-”

“You have the sea sickness,” Atalla said.

Jim eyed Leonard, his brows pinching. Leonard spread his hands and shook his head. “I'm not seasick.”

“No,” Atalla said. “The sea sickness. You must know. You are a healer, no?”

“What's he talking about, Bones?” Jim asked in a low voice.

“Hell if I know,” Leonard said, inching closer to Jim as the Kahálans crowded closer.

One grabbed his wrist, and Leonard yanked, throwing himself against Jim. Jim yelled, and tried to grab him, but the Kahálans were stronger, and there were more of them. Leonard was dragged towards the rough surf, kicking and cussing. He clawed at the arms gripping him and then he was under water.

Pure instinct slammed his mouth shut on the half-breath he swallowed. His shoulder blades struck sand, the hands holding him unyielding against his thrashing. He kicked, but none of his flailing struck home, and then he heard something crashing through the water above him.

The hands holding him down vanished, and Jim's fists twisted in the front of his shirt. He was hauled upright, head breaking the surface with a violent gasp. “Are you _crazy_?” Leonard bellowed, his fingers scrabbling at Jim.

“-trying to _kill him_!?” Jim was yelling as he dragged Leonard from the surf.

They stumbled onto packed sand and Leonard fell to his knees, spitting up water. Jim's hand rubbed his back.

“Humans can't breathe water,” Jim was saying over his head. “What you just did seriously endangered the life of my man-”

“We merely wish to help cure him,” Atallah said. He sported a fresh bruise on the side of his face, almost exactly the size of Jim's fist. “It is how we cure our young ones.”

“He's not sick,” Jim insisted. He flipped his comm open. “Sulu.”

“Aye, sir.”

“Get us-”

“If you leave, he will be dead within the year,” Atallah said.

Jim's mouth hung open, ready to deliver the evacuation order, but closed it. “How do you know?”

“It is easy to smell it on him,” Atallah said. The others nodded. “It has gone on for quite some time.”

Leonard tensed, and Jim glanced at him. “Bones?”

“You must tell him.” Atallah crouched in front of them, water dripping from his sleek skin. “He reeks of concern for you.”

“What aren't you telling me, Bones?” Jim asked, his hand pausing at Leonard's shoulder. He dug fingers into Leonard's skin firmly.

Leonard closed his eyes and dropped his head, soaked bangs flopping around his eyes. He covered his eyes with one hand, sand scraping against skin.

“Kirk to Enterprise. Spock, can you send Doctor McCoy's medical data to my PADD-”

“That's not necessary, Jim-”

“Shut up, Bones, you've lost permission to object-”

“I'm dying, Jim.” Leonard cut him off.

Jim froze, the slightest of tremors showing in his lips. “Come again?”

“Christ. You weren't supposed to find out like this.” Leonard clenched his hand into a fist and slammed it into the sand. He lifted his head. He owed it to Jim to look him in the eye. “I've developed symptoms of xenopolycythemia.”

Jim's other hand came down on Leonard's shoulder, and Jim turned them to face each other. “When were you planning on telling me this?”

“I wasn't,” Leonard said. He sighed. “I was going to resign once the symptoms became unmanageable.”

“Why would you do that?” Jim breathed. The world narrowed to the space between them, heavy with the scent of salt water and _Jim_.

“There's no cure, Jim.” Leonard sat back on his heels, unable to stand Jim's eyes. The sudden pain in them that he had caused.

“So you were just going to give up? Just like that?” Jim asked, anger seeping into carefully spoken words.

“What was I supposed to do?” Leonard asked helplessly. He shrugged. “Let everyone worry themselves sick over something they couldn't control? It's not like anyone gives a crap-”

Jim's grip went painfully tight, cutting Leonard off.

“Don't you say that,” Jim said, shaking him. “You do _not_ say that to me. _Ever_.”

Leonard swallowed hard, whatever he was going to say stuck solidly in his throat. He lowered his head into his hand again, and Jim followed the movement, cupping Leonard's head against his chest.

“You said you can help him?” Jim's voice rumbled through his chest, deep and strong in Leonard's ear.

“We can,” Atallah confirmed. “This is a common sickness among our people.”

Jim inhaled deeply. “Sulu, continue with the survey of the planet. Bones and I are going to be staying here. The natives have welcomed us to their town.”

“Aye sir. We'll check in again after our initial scan,” Sulu said over the comm.

“Kirk out.” Jim bent low over Leonard's head and gripped his hair just short of painfully. “You and I are gonna have words,” he said against Leonard's water-spiked hair.

Leonard grunted affirmative, feeling irrationally anxious, like when Mam had caught him stealing cookies as a child.

Jim helped Leonard to his feet and they quietly followed the Kahálans away from the beach.

They were led away from the forest and the ocean, just over the dunes to a field that extended into the horizon. A small village lay nestled between the sand dunes and the forest, providing for a community of a few hundred or more. Several docks stretched out into smoother seas in the distance, and Leonard could see the surface of boats glinting in the sunlight.

“This residence is empty at this time of the year,” Atallah said, gesturing to a modestly built house off the main walkway. “Please help yourselves to the accommodations inside. When are you ready, we will see you to our physician.”

“Thank you,” Jim said. Leonard wasn't sure he would be able to speak. He was not looking forward to this discussion. To being alone with Jim after... After that.

The house was dark and cool, and Leonard quickly started stripping out of his soaked uniform. Jim followed behind him, but paused when Leonard's shirt hit the floor.

“Holy shit.”

Leonard froze. “What? What is it?”

“How long have you had those?” Jim stepped forward and ran his fingers up and down Leonard's spine.

Suppressing a shudder, Leonard groaned. “Forever?”

Jim's fingers traveled to the tattoos marking the backs of his upper arms. “It is impossible that I have not noticed these before.”

“Yes, well, unlike you, I don't tear my shirt at the first scent of a female,” Leonard said, rolling his head to try and purge the sensation of Jim's fingers on his skin. “Or a tree. Or a rockslide. Or a shoe.”

“Shut up. I don't.” Jim's voice was fond, but guarded, and Leonard felt guilt twist inside him. “Are you going to talk to me or are we going to be awkward for this entire thing?”

“I'm sorry.” Leonard turned and spread his palms. “I can't undo it. I didn't think you'd find out. I was getting everything together for whoever took over as CMO. It wasn't supposed to be like this.”

“You didn't actually think I would let you die alone, did you?” Jim asked. “Bones?”

“It doesn't matter-”

“It matters, Bones.” Jim cut in. “It fucking matters. How could you even- Jesus. You think that little of me that I would let you die _alone_?”

“No, Jim, I didn't mean it like that-” Leonard floundered with his words, trying to find a way to save this.

“That I would let you go without even a fight?” Jim stepped closer, and Leonard stepped back. “After you gave me _everything_? You gave me the Enterprise. You gave me stability. Solid ground.” Leonard's back hit the wall and Jim pressed him right up against it, not touching but an imposing, unmovable force. Jim slammed his hands against the wall on either side of Leonard's head. “You do not get to leave me, Bones.”

Leonard's hands had grabbed Jim's shirt of their own accord. He held tight to wet cloth, the promise of heat a breath away from his knuckles. “I'm sorry,” he said again. Though he knew he couldn't fix this. “I'm sorry.”

Stepping back, putting a scant half inch more between them, Jim let his hands drop to Leonard's hips. Jim paused, and Leonard jerked when Jim hit one of his ticklish spots. “What is this?”

Jim lifted Leonard's arm and skated fingers down his side, where four long lines of discolored skin arched over his ribcage. Jim found matching ones on his other side. “Are these scars?”

“No. I haven't been... completely truthful with you, Jim,” Leonard said. Jim arched a brow, and Leonard winced. “Besides that. There's a reason I'm sick. Xenopolycythemia is triggered by exposure to anaerobic environments.”

“There's plenty of oxygen on the Enterprise,” Jim said, narrowing his eyes. He took a step back. He knew what Leonard was going to say.

“For humans,” Leonard said.

“What are you?” Jim asked. Sharp blue eyes took in the discoloration along his ribs, the soaked hair, and Leonard's pale complexion. “You're a mer.”

Leonard's shoulders slumped in admission. Jim's gaze didn't waver. “How long has it been since you shifted?” Jim asked.

“Years.” Leonard waved a hand absently. “The night before the jump shuttle was the last time.”

“Bones, that was over six years ago,” Jim said. “Please tell me you've been at least taking water showers.”

Leonard said nothing. Jim glared at him, anger seeping through the hurt.

“I can't _believe_ you-”

“I didn't want anyone to know-”

“I kind of need to know if my best friend is killing himself!” Jim's voice rose, echoed around them. He stepped back, and Leonard let out a breath. “I can't deal with this anymore. I'm too angry. I'm going to say something I'll regret. Just-” He cut himself off.

“I'll-” Leonard waved at one of the rooms off the main living space. Jim nodded tightly and Leonard slunk away, with as much dignity as he could manage.

The room was a small bedroom, with an adjoining bathroom. The bed in the centre was round and very low to the ground. Leonard shucked his soaked trousers and collapsed onto what was essentially just a mattress. He fell asleep, and in his dreams he felt the rocking of ocean waves, and heard the call of the ocean.

...*...

“Bones.”

A hand pushed his hair back from his forehead and he opened his eyes to see Jim leaning over him. Jim smiled tightly and dragged his fingers through Leonard's hair again. “You're running a little warm. Do you feel all right?”

“Yeah.” Leonard tipped his head to the side, so he didn't have to see the worry in Jim's eyes. “Just tired. Sore. Unbelievably embarrassed.”

Jim's fingers slowed to a caress. “Talk to me?”

Leonard groaned. “I didn't want any special accommodations. It was stupid to bother anyone over something I could handle.”

“Providing you the means to survive is not a bother,” Jim said, his hand stilling in Leonard's hair. He cupped Leonard's head and tipped it until Leonard met his eyes. “What is wrong with you? Would you let Gaila refuser her inhibitor booster because she thought it was an inconvenience?”

“Hell no, but that's-”

“Why are you any different?” Jim snapped. He closed his eyes and exhaled. “Jesus. You are so stubborn. This is your life we're talking about.”

“It doesn't matter,” Leonard said, fidgeting. He drew his legs up, bent at the knees. “I have to shift to begin to heal, to give my body more oxygen. And I can't.”

“Why?” Jim drew his brows together, the look of fierce determination spreading over his face.

“I hate the ocean,” Leonard said.

“You can't mean that-”

“I can't shift, Jim. I've tried. I can't do it anymore.” He balled his hands into fists at his side, and crushed down the slow burn of rejection simmering in him.

“Why?” Jim's voice was soft.

“I don't know.” Leonard huffed out a vicious chuckle. “It probably has something to do with my crushing lack of self-worth.”

“Don't say that-”

“Jim, I killed my father, okay?” Leonard burst. He let that settle between them before continuing. “My wife left me for my best friend. I can't go back there. It hurts too much.”

“Let me help you, Bones,” Jim said, voice a mere hush over the thunder of Leonard's heart. He leaned closer, cupping Leonard's jaw and forcing their eyes to meet. “I know pain.”

Leonard opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Jim was there. Jim silenced his protest, sealing their lips together as he moved closer. Leonard gasped into his mouth, fingers dragging along Jim's sleeve to hold him close. He was torn, between shoving Jim away and grabbing him close, to feel his incredible warmth.

Jim rolled them, settling himself between Leonard's updrawn knees. His fingers threaded through Leonard's hair, tipping his head back as their hips hitched together in a shuddering brush of heat and _longing_.

“Jim-”

“Let me help you, Bones.” Jim breathed against his mouth, dragging his teeth over Leonard's lower lip. “Please. Let me in...”

As if the kid hadn't gotten under his skin in all the worst possible ways. As if Leonard hadn't risked protocol and status to drag his ass aboard the Enterprise. As if Leonard had a chance of withstanding the maelstrom that was James Tiberius Kirk.

“You already are...” Leonard nosed Jim's jaw, burying his face in Jim's throat.

Jim answered in kind, sucking a bruising kiss along the smooth line of Leonard's neck. Their mouths met again, faster, this time, more urgent. Leonard felt dizzy under Jim's onslaught. Their mouths slid against each other, hot, wet, and deep. Leonard couldn't get close enough. He reached for Jim's hair, and the kiss went desperate. Jim's breath shuddered out, and Leonard swallowed down the sound he made. Jim's fingers skirted down Leonard's ribs, tracing the ridges of his gills. He was surrounded by Jim, smelling nothing but the unique blend of sandalwood and grass, and Leonard felt his breath falter in his lungs. He was so secure, so completely enveloped in Jim-

“Holy shit, Bones!”

Leonard choked, trying to draw a breath, and failed. He lashed out, panic searing through him, and Jim grabbed him and yanked him upright. A feeble wheeze was all he could manage, as Jim dragged him into the bathroom. He couldn't get a breath of air. He couldn't breathe.

Jim dumped him into the basin of a gigantic tub and over his horrible rasping, Leonard heard water splash into the tub. Everything sounded like it was coming through a pillow. He couldn't see properly, a black haze crowded the edges of his vision, and he could just make out Jim leaping into the tub with him, clothes and all.

His body remembered.

The first splash of water against his gills soothed the panic, and Leonard succumbed to the world's most epic adrenaline crash. He floated limp in Jim's arms as water started to filter through his gills, and his body accepted much-needed oxygen.

Jim's shaking hands held him down, kept his gills submerged as water kept pouring into the basin.

Leonard breathed.

Jim let the water run until it swirled around his shoulders before he risked taking a hand from Leonard to close the tap. Leonard reached for his hands, and curled his fingers around Jim's wrists to let him know he wasn't completely dead. The noise Jim made was a cross between a laugh and a sob, and Leonard closed his eyes against it.

When he felt strong enough, Leonard carefully untangled himself from Jim's hold and flipped onto his knees. He broke the surface and just barely avoided vomiting a lungful of water in Jim's face. He leaned over the edge of the tub, Jim's hand at his back as his lungs switched back to air.

“That was not fun.” He groaned.

“I know I'm good, Bones, but remember to breathe next time,” Jim said.

Leonard rested his cheek on the side of the tub, cool against flushed skin. “You're a prick.”

“You haven't forgotten,” Jim said. Leonard hadn't thought his eyes could get any bluer.

“No,” Leonard said softly.

“We can save you, Bones,” Jim said, fingers gripping Leonard's arm. “We can do it.”

Leonard closed his eyes against tears of hope.

“What triggered it?”

“I think... you did,” Leonard said, risking a glance at Jim. The water shifted between them, inviting and warm. “It's been a long time since I've felt like this. You smell like...”

“Like?” Jim prodded.

“Like home,” Leonard admitted.

Jim's lips upturned in a fragile smile, one Leonard saw only in moments of drunken intimacy. Jim leaned forward and sealed their lips. Leonard twisted his hand in Jim's soaked shirt, clenching wet fabric to draw him closer. He moved easily through the water, guided by Leonard's hold and support. Jim flailed out for the edge, splashing to keep them aloft.

“Maybe you should lose the clothes,” Leonard suggested.

“Maybe we should see the doctor,” Jim countered, with a sensuous tug on Leonard's lower lip. “And figure out how to keep you alive.”

Leonard groaned, resting his forehead against Jim's. Jim laughed.

“Priorities, Bones.”

Jim drew back and ran his hands down Leonard's now-sealed gill-slits before standing and washing a considerable deal of water over Leonard. He stepped from the tub and grabbed a towel, scraping it over his short hair. His hair fluffed up, and Leonard smiled as he stood. Jim tossed him a towel and he dried himself.

“When in Rome?”

Leonard glanced at Jim and saw him holding a set of Kahálan clothing. Skin-tight, flexible material made for swimming and walking, meant to cover the top half only.

“You're kidding, right?” Leonard asked.

Jim stripped down and slipped the Kahálan outfit over his head. It hung just past his groin. Leonard stared.

“Better hope you don't catch a breeze,” Leonard said. Jim rolled his eyes, and then grabbed something off the rack.

“Oh, here's the bottom half.” He slid it over his thighs, and twirled. “What do you think?”

“I think you look like a flapper,” Leonard said with a chuckle.

“A what?”

“Flapper? Post-war, Roaring Twenties? Don't you read your history, Jim?” Leonard eyed a set of clothing with distaste.

“Yeah, but I only remember the last hundred years.” Jim took the chance to yank the Kahálan top over Leonard's head and dump the skirt onto his hair. Leonard grabbed it and stepped into it, feeling ridiculous.

He understood the general practicality of it, for creatures who shifted at a moments notice, to have their legs free at all times. But he was a human, damn it.

Mostly.

As they left the house and walked towards the physician's office, Leonard had to grudgingly admit the outfit was pretty comfortable. They were smaller than the Kahálans, so the shirts were loose enough to breathe in, and the skirt's fabric was supremely soft, like a mix of tanned leather and silk. The road was soft underfoot, and Leonard appreciated it. He had long lost the callouses from days spent on the beach.

“Thank you for coming to see me, officers,” the physician said, ushering them into one of his exam rooms. Doctor Haeliana serviced the small village during the summer months, being from a northern clan. “I understand Starfleet wishes to converse with our culture. Allow our assistance of your healer to serve as an act of our good faith. We have much interest in developing relations with the Federation.”

“Thank you,” Jim said earnestly. “It will not go unnoticed.”

“Please sit, Mr Healer,” Haeliana said, gesturing with one long limb towards the examination table.

Leonard sat on it and tried to suppress annoyance at being the examined. He eyed Jim. “I hate this.”

“I know you do,” Jim said with a tight smile. “It's for your own good.”

“Lift your arms, if you will,” Haeliana said.

Leonard obliged, holding his arms straight at the shoulders, as Haeliana waved something akin to a tricorder over his gill-slits.

“You have recently opened your gills, well done,” Haeliana said. “Did you experience pain or discomfort?”

“Mild panic, actually,” Leonard said. “Considering they opened on their own.”

Haeliana nodded. “They will do that if you have not given in to the transformation within a reasonable amount of time.”

“And what is a reasonable amount of time?” Jim asked, arms folded over his chest.

“I usually recommend half a month, but I understand for some that the land is more suited to them.” Haeliana placed the tricorder thing on his counter. “For them I recommend at least every other month.”

“Oh, did you hear that, Bones? He said every other month,” Jim said. Leonard scowled at him.

“I heard him,” he said.

“Excuse me, officers,” Haeliana cut in. “But if you continue to disturb my patient, I will ask you to leave until the examination is complete.”

Jim looked dumbfounded, and Leonard laughed. “I like this guy.”

“Yes, you won't like much what I say next,” Haeliana said. He stood upright, his head tilted to the side, and clasped his arms behind his back, strangely reminiscent of Spock. “Our usual method of solving the reticence to shift is to present dire circumstances which triggers instinct. I understand this is not an option for you?”

“Correct,” Jim said before Leonard could open his mouth.

“Another method we have developed is to ease the Kahálan into a comatose state, which will allow instinct to take over, and ease the shift.”

“What, like a trance?” Leonard asked.

Haeliana nodded. “If that is what you call a medically-induced stupor, then yes.”

“You want me to get into the water unconscious? And just _hope_ I shift?”

“I'll be with you,” Jim said, stepping closer to the table. “I won't let anything happen to you, I swear it.”

“The first step in curing the illness is to change,” Haeliana said, quietly. “Once the change is complete, you will be able to heal your body.”

“Okay,” Leonard said. “I'll do it.”

The smile spreading over Jim's face was worth it.

They spent the night in the village, Jim curled around Leonard, holding him through dreams of dark waters and rough tides.

“This is insane,” Leonard said, as the sun broke over the horizon the next morning. He rubbed the site where Haeliana had stuck him with a needle. “I'm going to die on an alien planet because my captain wouldn't let things lie.”

“You get so crotchety when I try to do something good for you,” Jim said, kneeling beside him in the sand. The waves were creeping up to them, marching slowly towards high tide from the eternal sway of the moons. Leonard could feel their pull. Double moons always made it worse.

“Are you ready, Mr Healer?” Haeliana asked.

Leonard nodded, swallowing hard. He could feel the medicine shift through his veins, making him dizzy and pliant. Jim hooked an arm under his and lifted him to his feet. Carefully, they plodded into the surf.

“Not that deep,” he heard Jim say over him. He was really loose now, barely able to stay upright, and Jim lowered them both into the water.

Jim knelt behind him, and pulled Leonard against his chest. The ocean swirled around them, cool and comforting. Leonard's initial burst of panic faded when Jim's arms wrapped around him tight and pulled him against a solid chest. Leonard felt Jim's heart thundering against his back.

His vision faded, and all he had left was sound and smell. The roar of the ocean as it beat against the shore was insignificant under the sound of Jim breathing. The cool water sweeping around his shoulders was nothing next to Jim's arms surrounding him.

Warmth swept over his mouth, and he tasted salt, tangy salt clinging to hot skin. Jim. Leonard could smell and taste him, before Jim's hand closed tighter over his nose and mouth. Leonard's inhale was stopped, breath stilled in his lungs. A last flash of tension swept through him, and he gripped Jim's wrists, trying to pull free. Jim held him fast, tucking his nose right against Leonard's ear.

“I've got you. It's okay, Bones. Let it go. I've got you.” Jim's voice. Through the haze in Leonard's mind. He heard him. Felt his voice rumble through Jim's chest.

He couldn't breathe.

The thought didn't terrify him.

He couldn't breathe, but he was comfortable. Surrounded, by the ocean and Jim. It was all he could smell, feel. The wonderful ocean. The water securing him, making him free. Giving him life, breath.

He sucked in a lungful of water, filtered through wide gills. Salt. Salt water. Exquisite.

He breathed again, and Jim's scent disappeared, replaced with the overwhelming smell of the ocean. Of the fish, the sand, the sun filtering through the water.

Someone touched his shoulders gently, pushing until his back was against the sand. He drifted, anchored by the fingers along his skin, and someone else's hands pressed into his legs. Firmly, in sure, even movements. Massaging.

He kicked when the hands hit a ticklish spot, both legs moving as one. He was briefly confused. He should only have the one... Just one...

One.

The tingling, bone-deep ache of transformation started. His legs melted together and he jerked in surprise. He should have been panicked, but the knowledge rested in the back of his mind. He couldn't get up the energy, and his monofin hurt like a bitch.

He exhaled explosively, breath bubbling away to the surface, and stretched his aching body. Everything hurt. The way unused muscles hurt after a workout. He flicked his monofin, shaking off the hands. He fingers at his shoulders disappeared and he was gone.

He pushed away from the sand into the deep, where cool water called him desperately. The clothes dragged in the water, but not painfully so. They provided just enough resistance to hold him back from overexerting himself, but let him free as the sand dropped away.

The next few hours were a blur of sensation, smell and sheer emotion. He felt the ocean around him, welcoming him back.

When his mind finally drove him up onto the shore, he barely had the strength to haul himself out of the surf. He let the waves carry him onto the packed sand, and crawled, coughing and hacking up water, the rest of the way.

His monofin split, and newly formed toes helped him push out of the water's grasp. He felt sand everywhere, pressing into every inch of skin, and he flopped onto his back, gasping. The drugs were nearly out of his system, and he could see clearer than ever.

Stars were coming out as the sun set on the opposite horizon. Leonard spread his arms and gripped the sand. Cool ocean water kissed his feet, and he just flat out couldn't be bothered to move.

He heard someone yelling in the distance and turned towards the sound. Two figures were making their way along the beach. One broke into a run upon seeing him, feet skipping through the remnants of waves.

Leonard pushed himself to his feet with a great deal of effort, and wavered slightly upon standing. The ocean swelled around his ankles, and the man drew closer to him.

“ _Bones_!” Jim slammed into him, arms going around Leonard's neck.

His momentum dragged Leonard backwards into the water, and they splashed down in a pile of flailing arms and legs.

“Damn it, Jim!” Leonard's voice was hoarse from salt water and hours of disuse. He struggled upright with Jim in his lap, irresistible energy and strength. “That hurts.”

“You did it, you did it-” Jim cut himself off, grabbing Leonard by the face and slamming their mouths together. No finesse, none of the Captain James Kirk suave, just sheer desperation tasting of salt and sand.

“Get off-” Leonard shoved Jim, laughing, and Jim helped him up out of the water. The borrowed clothes stuck to his chest and legs, and he waddled more than walked up the beach to softer sand.

Doctor Haeliana was waiting for them, atop one of the dunes. His thin lips were pulled straight across his face, lending a supremely horrifying mask in the half-light. “I did inform you that he would return to shore eventually.”

Leonard glanced at Jim, whose face revealed nothing. “There's an entire planet. He could have turned up anywhere.”

“The instinct within him would seek the most familiar of grounds,” Haeliana said. “He would not have gone far.”

“I hate to say this, but I think I need to sit down,” Leonard said. His legs felt like that gross jello they served in the mess on Thursdays.

“I think you'll sleep well tonight,” Haeliana said, his sly smile sneaking up further on his cheeks. Leonard leaned closer to Jim, who shifted to accommodate his weight.

“Thank you,” Jim said.

When Jim dumped Leonard onto the bed of their borrowed home, he climbed in after Leonard. Weariness dragged at Leonard but he fought it.

“What about the ship?” he asked, annoyed at the way his voice slurred from exhaustion.

“I called Spock while you were out,” Jim said, tucking himself along Leonard's body. “He and Sulu found some interesting formations in another quadrant. I gave them permission to check it out. They're going to take a shuttle while the Enterprise stays in orbit to relay communications. That gives us a few more days here, at least.”

“Jim.” Leonard turned in the circle of Jim's arms, craning his neck to catch Jim's eyes. “Thank you.”

“Don't be stupid, Bones.” Jim tightened his arms. “You would have done the same. I won't lose you.”

Leonard tugged Jim's arms around him, shifting in the bed. He was drifting already, and just before he lost consciousness, he heard Jim murmur. “Just don't leave me, Bones. _Please_.”

Like his life didn't revolve around this kid.

...*...

“Ready to try on your own?” Jim asked, bumping shoulders with Leonard.

Leonard stared out at the roiling ocean. Haeliana waited behind them, calmly observing. “Yeah, let's try it.”

Jim grinned and followed him into the water, waves curling around their legs. Jim dove into the waves, striking for deeper water, and Leonard was forced to follow him or be left behind. The water grew calmer as they put the shore behind them, and Jim treaded easily, turning to him. “Is this far enough?”

“I think so,” Leonard said. He was once more surrounded by the ocean. Deep blue stretched out on all sides.

“I can't hold you up, so you're on your own,” Jim said, spitting out water that washed over his face. Leonard nodded, took a deep breath, and closed his eyes.

He sank.

The ocean closed over his head and he was thrown into another world. Minimal effort opened his gills, and he almost wept at how easy it was. The first breath of salt water swishing through his gills was an enormous relief, and he pushed through the water until his eyes and ears broke the surface.

“Hey,” Jim said, a ridiculous grin on his face. “Success?”

Leonard, his voice box closed off by a small flap to prevent water from flooding his air-breathing parts, could only trill. Jim's grin widened.

“Oh my _god_! You make noise!” He looked entirely too gleeful.

Leonard scowled and dunked him once, and relented when Jim splashed him back. Leonard let himself slip under once more, and concentrated on the feel of flicking a monofin. He kicked, legs together, and felt the first tingles of the shift as his legs started to fuse.

His monofin (not a tail, god damn it) used to be an illustrious blue-green, to blend in with the ocean he used to live in. It was dull and fragile looking now, like the slightest wave would tear it. He grimaced, but bucked out of the water to show Jim he wasn't dead.

“Bones!”

Leonard broke the surface at Jim's call, and looked to where Jim was pointing.

On the horizon, Leonard saw boats glinting as they moved closer, sliding along the waves with purpose. The colour scheme was different than they had noticed with the Kahálans, and Leonard drew instinctively closer to Jim.

“Friend or foe?” Jim asked, as low in the water as he could go without dunking his nose and mouth. Leonard didn't really want to hang around and find out either way.

His options were cut off when Jim was yanked beneath the surface next to him.

Leonard dove, and raced for Jim, who was locked in a hand to hand fight with a Kahálan unlike the ones they'd seen until now. His tail was yellow, bright and clear through the green water. Leonard flicked his monofin and plowed into the Kahalan, tearing him away from Jim.

Pushing him far enough away, Leonard spun in the water and threw himself at Jim, dragging him back to the surface. Jim broke into the air, gasping and choking, finger scrambling for Leonard's arms. “Bones!”

Arms tight around Jim's waist, Leonard turned. The boats were on them, speeding across the water recklessly. Leonard didn't have a chance to warn Jim, just yanked him down in a cloud of bubbles.

Jim flailed, kicking desperately to try to reach the surface. Leonard spun him and grabbed his face with both hands. Surprised, Jim froze, and let Leonard seal their lips. Leonard breathed for him, pushing oxygen into Jim's mouth. Jim relaxed instantly, hanging in Leonard's grasp as the boats sped overhead.

More Kahálans swam past them, flocking the boats under the waves. None stopped to bother them, though, just ignored them as if they didn't exist. When the sound of boats faded, Leonard let them float to the surface.

“We have to get back,” Jim said, spitting out water. “I don't think they're on a friendly visit.”

Leonard nodded.

Jim dragged Leonard out of the waves, hacking up water, and stumbling on weak legs. By the time they reached to soft dunes in front of Haeliana's village, Leonard was able to stand on his own and jog beside Jim.

“Jesus.” Leonard crested the last dune, panting.

The boats that had passed over them had sacked the village, leaving chaos and bodies in their wake. Jim stepped forward, but Leoanrd grabbed his shirt.

“Don't, Jim. We can't step into this,” Leonard said.

“They helped us,” Jim said.

“We can't help them. We have no weapons, no back up. We have no permission to get involved,” Leonard said, his voice low.

“Captain.”

Jim jumped, and pressed his comm unit. “Go ahead, Uhura.”

“Lts Spock and Sulu have not met their schedule check in. We've lost communications with them,” Nyota said, her voice tinny over the small comm unit.

Jim looked over the destruction of the village that had helped them, and then caught Leonard's eyes. “Beam us up.”

“Aye, sir.”

Leonard felt the familiar itching of dematerialisation wash over his skin, and when he blinked he was back aboard the Enterprise.

“Nice skirt, Captain Tightpants,” Gaila said from her seat at the transporter panel.

“Thanks. I preferred the scarlet myself, but guests can't be picky,” Jim said, stepping down off the platform. “Update?”

“Still nothing, Captain.” Nyota appeared in the doorway, at attention. Her eyes flicked once down their outfits before returning to their eyes. “We've been six hours outside of communication.”

“Anything could have happened by now,” Leonard pointed out. Nyota nodded. Jim was already moving towards the bridge, Nyota and Leonard trotted to keep up.

“Last known location?” Jim asked, stepping onto the bridge.

Chekov pulled up a map of the planet's surface. “Zey were last seen here, Captain. You and Doctor McCoy were here.” A blip lit up on the other side of the ocean.

“Well that's no good.” Jim eyed the map. “Prep a shuttle. We're going down.”

“I'm going with you, sir,” Nyota said, falling into step behind Jim. Jim said nothing, just led Nyota and Leonard back to the transporter room.

The place they beamed to was nothing like the previous Kahálan village. An instant chill struck them, cool air blowing in from the ocean, and they hunched against it. Turning from the ocean, Nyota pointed.

“There's the shuttle. The formations weren't more than half an hour's walk from here.” Nyota took point.

The formations looked nothing more than rather large rocks to Leonard, but he figured Spock had some reason for dragging poor Sulu along. Jim hopped up on one of the rocks and crouched atop it. He ran his fingers over the hard surface. “Moss,” he said. “Must be why Sulu came along.”

“Moss. Of course. I would go planetside for a chance at seeing moss first hand,” Leonard said.

“Be nice,” Jim chided, but he was smirking as he straightened. He put a hand to his eyes as the wind whipped at his borrowed clothing. “There's something out there. Let's head that way.”

The something turned out to be a giant well set in the ground. Round, and deep. Leonard leaned over the edge and couldn't see the bottom. The water just disappeared into black.

“There's nothing else for miles,” Jim said. He circled the well, eyes keen on the grass around it. He crouched opposite Leonard. “Someone's been dragged through here. We're going to have to investigate the well.”

“I was afraid you were going to say that,” Leonard said with a sigh. “You don't mean 'we'.”

Nyota flicked her eyes between them, wisely saying nothing.

“I do mean 'we',” Jim said. He moved beside Nyota and held out his hand. “Let me have your rebreather.”

Nyota drew it from her belt pack and handed it to him. “What do you plan to do?”

“We're going down there. If we find them, we'll bring them back up. If we don't find them, we keep looking,” Jim said. He nodded at Nyota. “Use your phaser. Hold the ground here. We'll be back.”

Jim tugged his own rebreather from his belt pack, which was fastened around his waist. Leonard sucked in a hesitant breath. “Jim, I don't have my pack. It's in the village.”

“Cross that bridge when we get to it,” Jim said, sealing his pack. Leonard narrowed his eyes. Jim waved at him. “You don't need a rebreather.”

Leonard ignored Nyota's raised eyebrow.

“Let's go.” Jim didn't wait for Leonard. He dove into the well.

“Jim! Damn it, man.” Leonard growled. He sighed when he met Nyota's questioning gaze. “I'll explain later, okay? I'm sorry.”

“You'd better,” she said, pressing her lips into a fine line. “I'll be waiting.”

Leonard groaned and dove. By the time he caught up with Jim, his gills had opened and his monofin was formed. He reached for Jim's hips and helped propel him through the water as the sunlight dimmed behind them.

As they swam further down, they saw a faint glowing beneath them. Jim pointed to it, and Leonard flicked his monofin, steering them towards the source.

It was a large balloon of sorts, bioluminescent in the deep. Leonard moved them around the outside, investigating. He saw two shadows near the base of it, and Jim tugged free of his grasp. Before Leonard could stop him, Jim pulled himself to the surface and pushed his arm through the opaque membrane.

His arm slid smoothly through up to his shoulder. Waving at Leonard to follow, Jim pushed his upper body into the bubble, and then he was completely through. Leonard carefully stuck his hand through the membrane. It provided little to no resistance, and he was able to sink his entire arm through. He felt air on the other side, and pulled through completely.

He severely underestimated the depth of the bubble, however, and in pulling himself through the membrane was immediately reclaimed by gravity.

He tumbled through a moment of stomach-churning free-fall before slamming hard into the bottom of the bubble. The impact forced the water from his lungs and he gagged briefly, trying to get his breathing under control during the shift to air. Hands tugged at his shoulders, getting him upright, and his gill-slits sealed.

“Bones, are you okay?”

“Doctor... Doctor?” That was Sulu.

Leonard blinked water out of his eyes and saw Sulu hovering over him. He snatched his hands back, as if burnt, and glanced at Jim.

“Carry on, Lieutenant,” Jim said. He had Spock over one shoulder, easing the Vulcan off a broken leg. “And yes, he's a fish.”

“I'm not a fucking fish, damn it.” Leonard spit out lingering water in his mouth. As if to prove him contrary, his monofin slapped the bubble. He groaned and dumped his head into his arms.

“We have to get out of here, they'll be back soon,” Sulu said. “They said they were going to take care of all the land-dwellers.”

“It appears several of the Kahálans have differing ideologies,” Spock said. Green blood slipped from a cut at his hairline. “Some are more prone to... violence.”

“Here. We have two rebreathers. This one's mine.” Jim handed it to Sulu. “Wear it. It's like you're indirectly kissing me.”

“Such an honor, Captain,” Sulu said dryly as he accepted the rebreather.

“I hesitate to correct your stunning mathematical capabilities, Captain, but there appear to be three of us in need of a breathing aid,” Spock helpfully pointed out.

“We'll handle it, Spock,” Jim said with a grin. Spock took the second rebreather and fitted it against his lips.

Leonard spread out on the floor of the bubble while Jim helped Sulu and Spock push through. Spock, the second one through, tugged his foot free, and then suddenly the bubble was gone.

A slight pop sounded in Leonard's ear, like the pressurization during a jump, and then water flooded his mouth. He coughed and his gills flared, sucking in water. Spinning, he reached for Jim and managed to catch hold of a flailing arm. He dragged Jim against his chest and slapped a hand over his nose and mouth even as Jim's body jerked at the violent introduction of water into his airways.

A quick flick of his monofin and he passed Spock and Sulu on his way to the surface, leaving them behind in a flurry of bubbles. Jim's fingers went slack against his wrists, and Leonard kicked hard again, the sunlight bright in shallower water. His last push overshot the surface and he launched out of the water, airborne for a good ten seconds before he slammed down hard onto grass.

The impact dragged the water from his airways, and Nyota was there, prying Jim from his shaking fingers. “Leonard! I've got him, let go!”

Disoriented, Leonard shoved at the hands grasping for him. He pushed up onto his elbows and vomited water onto crushed grass.

“Nyota!”

“Doctor!”

Hands grabbed at his shoulders, steadying him. Leonard strained to see around Sulu's arms, where Nyota had stretched Jim on his back. She pounded on his chest, throwing her shoulders into forcing his lungs to give up the water they had taken in. Jim arched, back bowing off the ground, and water gurgled from his lips. He drew in a rasping half-breath and heaved it back out again, spitting up water onto the grass under him. Nyota and Spock turned him onto his side, and Spock slammed a hand against Jim's back.

Sulu ran his hand over Leonard's thigh, and Leonard jerked. He glanced down to see his scales sloughing off, revealing tender human flesh beneath. Sulu helped him brush away the remnants of the transformation. Tugging on Sulu's arm, he was helped to his feet and together, they stumbled over to Jim's side.

Leonard dropped to his knees over Jim's head, pushing wet hair back from a pale forehead. “Jim, can you hear me, kid?”

“Booby trap,” Jim said hoarsely. He chuckled. “Booby.”

Leonard slapped him lightly on the cheek and groaned. “He's fine. Beam us up.”

Nyota called it in, and they were swept back aboard the Enterprise in a flash of light and warmth.

Leonard followed Jim into Medical, where he immediately attached him to a biobed to monitor him for secondary drowning. Jim whined when Leonard stuck him with a general antibiotic treatment to try and prevent an infection. He'd have to stay overnight, and Leonard was too exhausted to do anything but curl up in the chair beside Jim's bed and pass out.

When he woke, he found a blanket had been thrown over him and tucked. Groaning, he carefully got to his feet. Everything hurt. Everything. His legs, his arms, his lungs. He could barely stand on legs too worn out to hold him. Swimming had taken a lot out of him.

Jim stared at him from the bed, watching his hesitant movements with concern.

“I'm fine,” Leonard said, waving him off. “Just not used to so much exercise.”

“Make it part of your daily routine,” Jim said, his voice rough. “You're going to need it when you go planetside.”

“I think I'm going to bow out of ground missions for a while,” Leonard said. He sat heavily on Jim's mattress and pressed a hand to Jim's hair. “How are you feeling?”

“Like a drowned rat,” Jim said. “But I'm not coughing, and I'm not knocked out from the antibiotics. Can I go?”

“Yeah, just let me get one last check at your vitals,” Leonard said. He tugged the floating monitor closer to him, and with Jim watching closely, he scanned Jim's vitals. Everything checked out. “You're released. You're lucky it wasn't worse.”

“I had faith in you,” Jim said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “You are ordered to go to your quarters and take a water shower. I need to make some calls.”

“Calls?” It wasn't any of his business, really. Probably captain stuff, but he couldn't help asking.

“To arrange for you to go home,” Jim said, pausing, back to Leonard. “To get better, and get reassigned to a planet with an ocean.”

And then he was gone.

Leonard stumbled to his feet, but by the time he made it to the hall he had lost sight of Jim. Cursing, he slammed his fist against the wall.

“Doctor?”

Leonard turned and saw Christine frowning at him.

“Are you all right, sir?” she asked.

“Fine. I'm going off shift. Let the next officer know I'll be in my quarters,” Leonard said. Christine nodded.

Leonard found himself doing exactly what Jim had told him to do. He returned to his quarters, smelling stagnant from his three day excursion, and went immediately to the 'fresher. The impact of water against his skin released tension in his muscles he hadn't known he'd carried. Leaning against the wall, he bit down hard on a whimper. All of his hard work. Everything he'd done over the last six years. For nothing. He was being sent home.

He pressed his forehead against the wall, slapping his hand to it. Everything. He would probably be honourably discharged, or dishonourably if they found him guilty of lying to the brass. He'd be sent home. Not home. He'd be sent back to land to live out the rest of his days. Alone.

His legs crumpled and he sat in the shower, letting the water sluice over his body.

He finished his shower and stepped into this living area with a towel around his waist when Jim buzzed at the door. “Enter,” Leonard instructed.

Jim opened the the door and froze when he saw him. He coughed, a slight flush dusting his cheeks. “You leave in three days. We're making a detour to Earth to let you off, and then we'll continue on. Mer doctors and specialists will meet you to go over what the Kahálans gave us, and they'll come up with something to help you.”

“Jesus, Jim,” Leonard said, sinking onto his cot. “You're in that much of a hurry to get me off this boat?”

“You're dying,” Jim said bluntly. His shoulders were stiff, and his hands clasped behind his back at strict attention. “You're getting off this boat to someplace you can heal.”

“Jim.” Leonard stood. “I don't want to leave.”

Jim's carefully constructed mask cracked slightly. “What?” He breathed the word, unbelieving.

“This is my home,” Leonard said. “You are my family. I can't leave this ship. Someone's gotta take care of you out here. I sure as hell don't trust Spock to do it.”

“I-I don't-” Jim stared at him, confusion sliding over his features. “I don't understand.”

“I won't leave the ship, Jim,” Leonard said. “What's there to understand? I won't do it. You can't force me.”

Jim's eyes were wide, huge against his pale cheeks, and Leonard felt something uncomfortable settle into place between him and Jim. He narrowed his eyes.

“Jim,” he said. “Did you really think I would just go?”

Jim said nothing, but he didn't have to. He took an involuntary step backwards, instantly dropping his eyes from Leonard's. He focused on something miles away, his breath hitching slightly.

A chill slid down Leonard's spine. He crossed the distance between them and reached for Jim's face, cupping his jaw and turning his head. “Hey,” Leonard said. “Did you really think I would just leave you?”

“Bones...” Jim lifted a hand and wrapped his fingers around Leonard's wrist.

Leonard skimmed his thumb over Jim's cheek, and shifted until his hand cradled the back of Jim's head. He pulled Jim close, and Jim hesitantly drew his arms up around Leonard. He hugged as if Leonard was about to crack, but the broken sound he let out forced Leonard to drag him close, to grip him fiercely against whatever Jim was struggling with.

The embrace went desperate, and Jim clutched at him, fingers digging bruises into Leonard's skin as they stood. Leonard allowed him, and held him just as tightly, pressing his face to Jim's hair. “I would never,” Leonard said. “Never. I followed you out here. You're not getting rid of me that easily.”

“I'll leave the ship,” Jim said into Leonard's neck.

Leonard stiffened and pushed Jim away with hands at his shoulders. “Come again?”

“I'll leave the Enterprise,” Jim said. He grabbed Leonard's arms, shaking. “And be with you-”

“No, Jim, I can't ask you to do that-”

“You're not,” Jim cut him off. “I would do it. For you.”

“No, it ain't right-”

“You can't have it both ways, Bones,” Jim said sharply. “You've got to go down there.”

“You're not hearin' me, Jim. I don't want to leave the Enterprise,” Leonard said.

“You'll _die_ ,” Jim said.

“There has to be another way,” Leonard said. “There has to be a compromise.”

Jim stared at him, searching for an answer in his eyes. His eyebrows furrowed. “I think there might be. But you're not going to like it.”

“What?” Leonard asked.

“The water recycling system runs right underneath my cabin,” Jim said. “If we can retrofit the ship, we can jury rig a rotating supply of water right under my floor. You'd have to-”

He cut himself off.

“Are you asking me to move in with you, Jim?” Leonard asked, trying to tone his voice on the light side. Jim's face went a little grey. Leonard sucked in a sharp breath. “Jim.”

“We'll figure something else out-” Jim said. An uneasy step backed him against the wall, and Leonard followed, framing him with his hands. “That was a- It was just a stupid idea-”

“I'd like that, Jim,” Leonard said. Jim's mouth fell open, and Leonard smiled. “It'll be just like back at the Academy.”

“I didn't live with you at the Academy,” Jim pointed out.

“You ended up on my floor enough that you may as well have just changed the address on your registration,” Leonard reminded him. “You kept clothes under my bed, Jim. And a toothbrush on my desk.”

“Yeah, because you were the only one who wouldn't ask me stupid questions when I was trashed,” Jim said, pulling his shoulders in.

“Not that you were capable of coherency to even answer,” Leonard said. Jim felt safe with him. Leonard closed his eyes against the flush of warmth spreading in his belly, and leaned close. He touched his lips to Jim's, breathing in Jim's shuddering exhale.

Jim's hands pressed against his chest, the slide of skin on skin going straight to Leonard's groin. He grabbed Jim's head, tilting it, and pressed closer. Jim opened his mouth, hands sliding to cup Leonard's throat and keep him close. Jim rolled his hips, bumping up against Leonard, and Leonard felt Jim's prick thicken.

“I _just_ got out of the shower, Jim,” he said into Jim's mouth.

“I'm sure you won't be opposed to another one,” Jim said, breathless. He smirked, and lunged, driving Leonard backwards until his knees hit his cot.

They fell onto Leonard's cot, hands and mouths and skin. Somehow Leonard got Jim's shirt off, and Jim shucked his pants, kicking hilariously when the second ankle got stuck. Leonard wrapped his arms around Jim and surged against him, fingers dragging pink streaks into Jim's flesh.

“Tell me you want this,” Jim said unevenly, mouthing at the skin of Leonard's shoulder. The request made Leonard pause, dragging his fingers through Jim's hair to force his head up. Jim's eyes shone in the half-light.

“What do you want?” Leonard asked quietly. Jim held his head up, so Leonard stroked the skin at the nape of his neck. “Jim?”

“You have no idea how much I want you,” Jim breathed. “I couldn't- I ruin people, Bones-”

“Shut up.” Leonard growled, grabbing Jim's face between his hands. “Just shut up. 'm already ruined, Jim. You can't hurt me.”

Leonard could feel their unsteady heartbeats thundering between them, their breathing creating a warm intimacy that Leonard hadn't shared with anyone before. Jim's chest was flushed in his distress, but his face remained a cool mask over the vulnerability in his voice.

“You're not ruined, Bones,” Jim said, leaning more heavily against Leonard's chest. “You're cranky and bitter and crotchety, but you're not ruined.”

“Says you,” Leonard said, nosing at Jim's jaw. “You're narcissistic and delusional, and you don't ruin people.”

“Says you,” Jim parroted. He quieted Leonard by sealing their lips again.

Jim rolled their hips, the hot flush of his prick pressing into Leonard's stomach. Leonard rolled them, and just barely avoided tumbling completely off the cot. He slid over Jim, pressing him onto his stomach, and wormed a hand between them to squeeze Jim's ass. Jim let out a hoarse noise, thrilling and sensual, and Leonard leaned his full weight against Jim's back.

“Is this okay?” Leonard asked, nosing Jim's ear. Jim groaned, his mouth open as he panted against the cool sheets.

“Yes. Fuck, Bones.” He hissed when Leonard reached for his prick and gave a few firm tugs.

Leonard slid over Jim's body, stretching for the bedside table. Jim grunted, shoved uncomfortably into the mattress, as Leonard rummaged through the drawer for the bottle of lube he kept in there. He finally grasped it and slammed the drawer shut, pushing himself to kneel over Jim.

He slicked his fingers and circled Jim's entrance slowly. Jim keened under him, pushing back towards his hand. Leonard placed a stilling hand on the small of his back. He worked two fingers into Jim, stretching him and massaging that sweet spot that make Jim gasp beneath him.

“Bones, please-” Jim choked back a whine. “Please-”

“On your side,” Leonard instructed, giving Jim room to turn over.

Jim reached behind him and scrabbled for Leonard. Leonard slicked his prick and batted Jim's hand away, scooting close until he lined up with Jim. He pushed in, tight resistance providing breath-taking heat against his prick. Jim groaned, pressing his head into the sheets as Leonard inched into him.

“Wait-” Jim managed, digging his fingers into Leonard's hip. Leonard froze, giving Jim time to adjust to him. Breathing harshly, Jim pressed bruises into his skin.

“Are you okay?” Leonard asked, wrapping his arms around Jim's chest. He felt Jim's stuttering breath, and his body was struck with a fine tremble. “Talk to me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jim said. “Just give me a minute- Jesus, Bones-”

Leonard pressed his face to Jim's shoulder and took a bit of skin between his teeth. The trembling slowed, and Jim's breath evened. Leonard reached around Jim and grasped one of his hands, twisting their fingers together.

“Okay.”

Leonard shifted his hips, free hand guiding Jim back into him as he moved. Jim fell into motion with him, shuddering each time Leonard struck his prostate. Snaking his hand up Jim's chest, Leonard clutched Jim against him. Jim tipped his head and Leonard met his mouth. Awkward, sloppy kisses as their mouths slid over each other's.

He drove into Jim, pace quickening with each stroke. Jim took it, riding with him. He held Leonard's arm flush against his chest as they moved, keeping them joined. Leonard felt heat cresting within him, pooling along the base of his spine and flushing through their joined bodies. Grunting, Leonard sank completely into Jim and held as his orgasm rippled through him.

“Jim, oh Jim.” Leonard murmured against Jim's throat, until the words slurred together and his hips stopped stuttering. Jim came with an absolutely wrecked groan, muffled by the bedsheets. Slick come splashed Leonard's arm. Leonard stretched to bite Jim's ear and tugged at it gently with his teeth.

Leonard dragged their joined hands over Jim's prick and pumped him through his orgasm. Gasping against the cool sheets, Jim rocked into their joined hands through his aftershocks. The noise Jim made was shattered, and Leonard tried to press closer, to chase away whatever Jim felt that made him sound like that.

“Are you all right?” Leonard asked thickly, the words sticking in his throat.

“I never thought-” Jim started. He twitched unconsciously, legs entwining with Leonard's. “I thought you were going to leave me-”

“Hush, darlin',” Leonard whispered. “I could never- I left the ocean before I could even think of leaving you.”

When Jim turned to him, shifted in his arms, his eyes were so blue. So blue. They reminded Leonard of the ocean, as cliché as it sounded, when the sunlight filtered through the upper strata, cascading into the currents. Leonard dragged Jim's face closer, spurred by the sight, and the undeniable urge to wash Jim clean of his fears.

“How long, Bones- How long-?” Jim gasped against his mouth.

“Since that god damn shuttle,” Leonard admitted. He didn't want to pull away from Jim's lips long enough to form words. “You and your shit-eating grin. You smelled like booze and blood.”

“Same. Oh my god we could have been doing this-” Jim silenced his own thought, diving at Leonard to capture his lips again.

“Forever ago,” Leonard finished for him. Jim stiffened suddenly, and jerked back.

“If we had, would you have told me?” Jim's eyes narrowed.

“Afterglow. Ruined,” Leonard said dryly.

“Bones.” Jim stared at him, his lips red from kissing, face flushed and eyes glowing. Hate to say it, he looked thoroughly fucked.

“I didn't want to be a burden to you,” Leonard said.

Jim sighed. Leonard carefully pulled free of Jim, as slowly as he could. He caressed Jim's skin, every bit he could reach, until Jim suggested they shower.

“Water shower,” he said firmly. “No argument.”

“None,” Leonard said. Water sounded good right about now.

They slipped into the shower, and Jim used two of his own water credits to extend their time under the spray. He tugged Leonard against him in the shower, hands sloughing water from his skin as they cleaned. He relaxed completely, surrounded by the water and Jim. They shared slow, luxurious kisses under the water, until Jim's skin turned pruny and shriveled. Leonard made him get out, but Jim only got as far as stepping from the shower before he pulled Leonard in for another kiss as he dripped water onto the floor.

When they fell into bed, cleaned and cooled, Leonard took Jim into his arms and hugged him close.

They slept.

...*...

Leonard was ordered to disembark once they arrived in Earth's orbit, and Jim followed him onto the jump shuttle to San Fransisco. It was useless to try and fight him, Jim remained tight-lipped through the journey. Two doctors greeted them when they stepped off at the Academy landing site.

“I am Renold Smith. Step this way, please, Doctor,” the first said, motioning towards the medical buildings.

Leonard bit back a groan, but handed over the information he and Haeliana had cobbled together. Smith took it and downloaded the information into his PADD as they walked.

His examination was thorough and unforgiving. When Smith finally let him put his clothes back on, Jim reentered the room looking angry. He immediately went to Leonard's side, eyes skimming him before whirling on Smith.

“Can't you do something?” Jim asked. “They want to send him to mast!”

“Of course they do, I lied on my medical documents and I'm a doctor,” Leonard said, shoving Jim back. “Keep your voice down, there are people here who need their rest.”

“I can only do as much as I am medically able,” Smith said. “He is physically capable of a disciplinary hearing, right now.”

“What do you mean, right now?” Jim asked. Leonard closed his eyes.

“The symptoms of xenopolycythemia have become pronounced, and will start to effect his daily functions.” Smith displayed Leonard's data on the wall, and Leonard opened his eyes to his circulatory system in full colour. “You will tire more easily, and open wounds will take longer to cauterize. You will begin to notice bruising easily. You must take care of yourself, Doctor.”

“Isn't there anything in the data Haeliana provided?” Jim asked.

“This is completely new to us, Captain. The only thing I can imagine to recommend would be for him to return to his home permanently. I have no idea how long it will take to reverse the effect of the _homo sapiens_ oxygen levels. Most mers inform us of their condition to prevent this very thing from happening. Your disease is at such an advanced stage I'm not sure it can be reversed,” Smith said.

Leonard deserved the glare Jim threw at him, and he hung his head, properly ashamed. Jim continued to talk over him. “Can't you write him a medical release instead of sending him through discipline?”

“The Admirals have already given me the order, Captain, I'm sorry,” Smith said. “If he was less known popularly I might be able to get away with it, but you and your crew are extremely high profile after the Nero incident. My hands are tied.”

Jim scowled. “Send me the data.”

Jim's PADD beeped as the information arrived. A second beep signaled a new message. Jim glanced at the PADD. “It's your summons. I've been restricted from the hearing.”

“Obviously,” Leonard said, swallowing around a lump in his throat. He had known this was coming. Since the day he stumbled onto that godforsaken jump shuttle. This had always been a possibility. “Spock's mission report would mention your assistance during my... Rehab.”

“I'm going to recommend you visit our recovery centre on the coast,” Smith said. “Just an hour's drive from here. After the hearing.”

“I'll go with you,” Jim said, his tone leaving no room for argument. “I'll meet you after the hearing.”

“All right,” Leonard said, clamping down on his anxiety. He knew this would eventually happen. Why now would he be so terrified of what he'd lose?

Jim squeezed his shoulder, and gave him a stiff-lipped smile. Leonard nodded, and Jim left with a brief backwards glance. Leonard pulled up his orders on his own PADD, and when the doctor sent through his prescription notice, he was able to leave the medical centre.

The hearing took place in his CO's office, the head of the Medical program in Fleet. Admiral Boyce sat at the head of the conference table, and various other professors and CMOs sat along the stern lines of the sides. No round tables for this. Leonard straightened his uniform and stepped to the foot of the table at attention.

“Good afternoon, Doctor McCoy,” Admiral Boyce started. “I hope your return trip was comfortable. Do you understand why we've called this particular session?”

“Because it has been brought to the attention of my superiors that I have not been completely truthful on my Starfleet records regarding my status as a humanoid species,” Leonard replied. He added belatedly, “Sir.”

“That is correct. Can you explain to us the reasoning behind the intentional misinterpretation of your species?” Boyce asked.

Leonard straightened his shoulders. “At the time of my enlistment, I had been removed from my nesting grounds. I was dissociated from my family and peoples, and I wanted nothing to connect me with my past. I made a rash decision to conceal my species in the hopes that I would not have to worry about it influencing my performance at the Academy.”

“And you realise that hiding your species prevented us from making reasonable accommodation for your condition, and now we are going to be forced to pay for your rehabilitation or discharge?” Boyce pointed out.

“I do, sir.”

“Did you think about the consequences of hiding your species?” An Admiral Leonard had never spoken to before glanced at him.

“I did not, sir. I only thought of getting off-world as quickly as possible.” Leonard tried not to look at any of them in the eye. He focused on the wall behind Boyce's head. It was a completely mundane shade of off-white, designed to keep one's focus on the meeting.

“We understand that mers are more prone to excessive emotional reaction than humans,” Boyce started, “and I know that your history was rough leading up to your enlistment with the Fleet. However that does not excuse lying on your entrance forms.”

Leonard closed his eyes, his hands gripped tightly behind his back. His shoulders were so tense they ached.

“We are also aware of your extensive knowledge of xenobiology, and your continuing aptitude concerning medical aptitude. Your exceptional performance in our programs has led us to grant you a reprieve from the standard award in this type of transgression.” Boyce stared at Leonard. “You are placed on mandatory leave until we can determine a suitable award for this situation.”

“Yes sir, thank you sir,” Leonard said. He saluted and turned to leave. The room fell into soft discussion as he shut the door behind him, and then his vision was full of Jim.

“Hey, how did it go?” he asked immediately.

“You were listening, you tell me,” Leonard asked, folding his arms over his chest. Jim had the grace to look sheepish, a light pink dusting his cheeks.

“It didn't sound awful,” Jim said. “I'm hopeful.”

“That makes one of us,” Leonard said. Jim's smile dropped.

“Come on, the hover's waiting,” Jim said.

The recovery facility was right on the coast, with its own private beach for the patients inside. Leonard knew from working on base that this particular facility was for those who suffered post-traumatic stress. It was a serene location, protected by cliffs from the noise of the city.

The front desk knew he was coming, and already had a room booked for him. An orderly took his bag and led him to his temporary quarters with Jim close behind.

“Shall we go beaching?” Jim asked, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt.

“That's not a verb,” Leonard pointed out. Jim ignored him and tugged his shirt off, followed shortly afterwards by his undershirt. Leonard swallowed hard as firm skin moved over rippling muscles. Jim leered at him.

“Come on,” Jim said. He tossed his shirts on the bed. There was a small adjoining bathroom, and Jim went into it. He threw a towel at Leonard and poked his head out. “Clothes off. Captain's orders.”

“I'm on mandatory leave,” Leonard said, fighting a smile. “You can't boss me around anymore.”

“Then allow me to make a strong suggestion,” Jim said. “Get your clothes off.”

Leonard stripped to his skin and wrapped the towel around his waist under Jim's lustful stare. He smiled slightly, and let Jim lead the way to the beach.

The beach was empty.

Jim immediately went for the water. He took a running leap and struck out past the surf within minutes. Leonard shook his head, biting down the doctor in him, and followed.

The water was _freezing_. Leonard shuddered as he waded deeper, the water sweeping against his legs and chest with breath-taking chill. “Jim!” He had to shout over the roar of the waves. “It's too cold! Get back here!”

“Come on, Bones!” Jim called back, completely ignoring him.

Leonard shook his head and dove. The shift was easier. So much easier, and he cut easily through the water to where Jim treaded, much further out than Leonard would have liked.

“Hey Bones,” Jim said when he caught up. His lips were going blue already. Leonard growled deep within his chest, and Jim laughed. “Your noises are so cute. I'm going to record them for the s-ship.”

His teeth rattled, and Leonard carefully put his hands on Jim's hips, urging him back to shore. Jim resisted, dragging his hands through the water when Leonard pushed.

“Get some swim time in, Bones,” Jim said. “I can wait out here for you.”

Leonard shook his head and wrapped his arms around Jim's chest, trying to suppress the shivers wracking Jim's body. A few flicks of his tail kept Jim above the surface, and he curled close around him, face pressed to Jim's stomach under the surface. They buoyed up and down as the waves rolled towards shore, Jim's fingers in his hair as he breathed long and deep through his gills.

It wasn't longer than half an hour before Leonard forcibly started to push Jim towards the shore, kicking strongly with his monofin despite Jim's protests. Leonard dumped Jim onto the sand and rolled out of the waves himself, scales and slime sloughing off his forming legs as he choked up water.

Jim helped him push the gunk away, into the waves licking at his heels. They stood together, shaking from cold.

“Was that long enough? Are you sure? We can go out-”

“Shut up, Jim,” Leonard said, his own teeth starting to chatter. “Yer not gonna freeze out there for the hell of it.”

Jim laughed deliriously, grabbing his arm as Leonard threw the towel over his shoulders. Jim clutched it, panting. “Your accent gets stronger when you're mad.”

“Yeah, so does your stupid,” Leonard said. He massaged his hands up and down Jim's arms, trying to get heat from friction. “Wetsuit next time.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jim said.

“Jim, I appreciate what you're doing, but you don't have to put yourself out like this,” Leonard said, holding Jim by the upper arms.

“I want to,” Jim said, his blue eyes incredibly bright against pale skin.

“Yer gonna be no help to me if you catch hypothermia,” Leonard said. “ 'sides, don't you have stuff to do with the Enterprise? Like finding a replacement CMO?”

“Shut up,” Jim bit out. “Don't talk like that. I won't go out there with anyone else. They'll reinstate you.”

“You don't know that,” Leonard said. He pushed a hand through Jim's hair, spiking it and flicking water free. “Let's get you inside before your balls fall off.”

“Don't. Even joke about that,” Jim said, his face white. “That can't happen, anyway. Right?”

Leonard said nothing, letting a sly smile spread over his lips.

“Bones? Don't mess with me. That can't happen,” Jim said. “Bones? Bones!”

Days passed, with Jim visiting the centre every day to keep him from going out of his mind from boredom. Jim invested in a wetsuit, dragging Leonard into the water for hours at a time, until his skin was wrinkled from the water, and he could barely move from the cold. Each day Leonard had to swim him back to the shoreline.

“Heard anything yet?” Jim asked on the seventh day at the centre, as Leonard helped him back to his room. Jim's limbs were stiff from the cold, and he was worn out from treading water. Today had been especially harrowing. Leonard had gotten back to find Jim drifting, unable to hold himself up.

“Nothing from the official channels,” Leonard said, shoving Jim towards the bathroom. Jim stumbled and grabbed the wall for support. “This has to stop, Jim.”

“I don't follow,” Jim said, blue fingers gripping the door frame.

“You can wait on the beach for me, as I've stated several times,” Leonard said. “There's no reason for you to drown in the Bay because you think you need to prove something.”

“That's not-” Jim started.

“You couldn't even hold yourself up today, Jim,” Leonard said. “Scaring the shit out of me is not going to help me get better.”

“I want to be there for you,” Jim said through clenched teeth. “It's not about proving something-”

“If you die, you're not gonna be there for me,” Leonard pointed out. “And I _know_ for a fact that you have duties you need to attend to, because Sulu has messaged me several times asking when you were going back to base.”

“I don't care,” Jim said, leaning against the wall. His shoulders sagged as Leonard watched a drop of water slide down his jaw and drip onto the floor.

“Excuse me?” Leonard asked, incredulous.

“I don't care,” Jim repeated. He rolled his head and nailed Leonard with a firm glare. “You are more important to me than the Enterprise.”

“That isn't funny, Jim,” Leonard said, taking a shaky step backwards. “You cain't joke with me like that-”

“I'm not,” Jim said.

“You're just out of your head with cold. Get in the shower,” Leonard said. “Tomorrow you'll go back to the Academy and do your god damn duties like the captain of the flagship you are-”

“No,” Jim said.

“You're leaving, Jim, and don't argue with me-”

“I said no, Bones,” Jim shot back. “I want to be here with you-”

“You're a fucking captain, you can't just abandon your ship for this-”

“You abandoned your life for me,” Jim said, voice sharp. “You've given up everything. You came aboard my ship-”

“I wanted to do that, I didn't give up anything-”

“You're fucking _dying_ because of me-”

“Now hold on just one minute-” Leonard held up a hand, trying to make him stop. Stop before he said something that couldn't be taken back.

“You've always been there for me,” Jim said over him. “Always. You're the only one who's given a crap about me. Even when you bitch and moan, you take _care_ of me.”

Leonard stood, rooted to the floor. Jim dropped his eyes and slid down the wall, leaving a wet, sandy streak behind. He dropped to the floor and pulled his knees up to his chest.

“I can't lose you, Bones,” Jim said, his voice broken. “I can't. I'd tear the universe apart to save you. I would give up my command in a second if someone offered the cure tomorrow. Don't _ever_ think I wouldn't. That my ship matters more to me.”

Leonard stumbled to Jim, and dropped to his knees. He grabbed Jim and dragged him close, crushing Jim against his chest. Jim wrapped his arms around Leonard and held on tight, face pressed to Leonard's chest.

“I'm sorry,” Leonard said, mouth pressed to the top of Jim's head. “I'm sorry. I didn't know- Jesus, Jim.”

“I love you.”

He said it. Leonard gritted his teeth and tried to squash the cool slick of dread from spreading through him. Jim had said it. Those three words that Leonard didn't think he could ever utter again.

“I know you swore off-” Jim cut himself off with a harsh breath. “But I want you to know that I'm here for you, and I will be, and I won't let you leave me. Not like this.”

“Jim, I-”

“I know, Bones. You don't have to say anything,” Jim said, his fingers digging bruises into Leonard's back. “Just let me stay. Please.”

He was still shaking from the cold, and Leonard helped him to his feet. Together, they made their way into a warm, (water), shower, clinging to each other because neither had the strength to stand on their own. After washing the salt and sand off, they fell onto Leonard's small cot, still soaking, and Jim wrapped Leonard in his arms.

Leonard's PADD buzzed on the bedside table, and Leonard had to untangle himself from Jim to grab it. He pushed himself upright against the wall, PADD in his lap. “It's from Admiral Boyce,” he said.

Jim was instantly up beside him, staring at the screen. “You've been cleared.”

Jim's hand found his arm and he squeezed hard. Leonard stared in disbelief at the message. He had been released from all charges, and his only punishment was to take over some of the filing work while aboard the Enterprise. He had to correct his files and seek proper accommodation for his species.

“You can stay on the Enterprise,” Jim breathed against his skin. Jim wrapped around him, shaking. “You can stay.”

The PADD slipped from Leonard's hand as Jim climbed over him, all fingers and tongue and lips. Leonard met him with equal fierceness, biting and licking his way down Jim's throat as Jim wriggled to get closer, to take him apart piece by fragile piece, and mend him before morning.

And Leonard let him.

...*...

“They're bringing aboard a mer doctor,” Jim said, folding his arms over his chest. “To help you.”

“This is...” Leonard stared at the floor under Jim's quarters. “I don't know what to say.”

“Well, you don't get to say anything, actually, because your life is at risk. You get to obey me,” Jim said, smirking. A portion of Jim's floor slid back to reveal a small bed of water. The basin had been worked into the water recycling system so that a constant flow of fresh water washed through it. “Your sleep cycle will be here. Your rehabilitation sessions will be in the therapy pool in MedBay. You will spend as much time as physically possible in your mer form, and your blood-oxygen content is going to be monitored closely with a chip the doctor will be placing in you.”

“Great,” Leonard said. “Just what I always wanted.”

“Bones,” Jim admonished. Leonard rolled his eyes. Jim tugged on his arms until they faced each other. “If you weren't such a dumbass, we wouldn't be in this position.”

“I know,” Leonard said with a sigh.

Jim leaned forward and rested against Leonard's chest, and Leonard pulled him close. “Thank you, Jim.”

Jim mumbled something into his collarbone, and Leonard drew back slightly. Jim looked up, concerned.

“I mean it, Jim,” Leonard said. “Anyone else would have let me die.”

“I think you underestimate your worth to the rest of us,” Jim said, his eyes hard. “You could manage a cure without me.”

“But I don't want to,” Leonard said softly. Jim stared at him, mouth slightly open. Leonard kissed him, lightly at first, but Jim tipped his head and let Leonard in. “Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Now with](http://laipin.tumblr.com/post/60921640809/edit-so-stupid-me-forgot-his-gills-and-i-did) [freaking amazing](http://laipin.tumblr.com/post/60970188746/yeaaaa-so-i-couldnt-help-myself-and-decided-to) fanart by the indescribably wonderful [Laipin](http://laipin.tumblr.com/)
> 
> *up and dies*


End file.
